In a year’s time I’ve gone through the unimaginable turmoil, complete dead of silence, to immeasurable grief and loss. The color of my life was dark, so very dark. I didn’t have any hope or at least that’s what I thought. My pain and suffering was daily even through my smile or laughter. I hid behind it all. I finally opened up in the fall due to fear of harassment, assault and to being judged for what I was a part of and did. I blamed and shamed myself, felt complete guilt, my self worth and confidence wasn’t even a part of me. There did come a part of learning much more of the new me and who I am as a person, learning to better take care of myself and not listen to outside chatter. I found peace among the chaos of my mind, found a place beyond four walls. I became a part of a grand purpose and it was truly life changing. The very moment getting involved with Stark Parks of Stark County Ohio felt incredibly satisfying. There was more though and it is Tai Chi, a way to deeply connect with my mind, body and soul. This is living the new me. NO MORE RETAIL, 5 or 6 hour shifts 4 days a week job. Gone! That’s not my life. It is much more than any job combined. It’s living and doing what I’m meant to do. I’m giving you me, this new me. I’m living. There was hope all along and someone pointed it out to me along the way. He showed me and taught me to feel free, free spirited and free with life and let it be.
I remain to struggle with the challenge of the chaos of my mind. I know though what’s right and what to do what I want and need for me, not for anyone else. The kid in me did come back that I do know, and my love and guidance from the Lord to those watching and guiding me along the way. Not every day will be smooth sailing and I know it. It is merely getting through it.
God’s plans were already created for me. He’s put forth in me considerable strength which taught me a great deal of wisdom and resilience. His work in me is not done. I’m working through him.
Saturday, April 20,2019