Finding My Way

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Sunday November 11,2018

Every challenge, hurdle, obstacle and struggle came with discomfort and sheer pain, and I went through it. Through it all I’ve gained considerable strength and wisdom.  Life isn’t easy, it’s quite difficult. There’s no rhyme or reason why I’ve gone through what I have. Through it all I made it through because God had a divine purpose planned out for me. He shook me inside and out. I was petrified to the point it scared the devil out of me literally and figuratively speaking. Never in my life have I experienced what I did, to completely lose myself and fell to the temptations of the devil, his wrath.

After the diagnose of high functioning anxiety and massive depression in the spring of 2017 I was finally on my way through healing and recovery. Fortunately it was short lived. Life as I knew it played it’s evil tricks on me mentally as well emotionally. Physically with little strength. There were days of just getting by living through the motions. To say the least it began to wear me down in a rather unhealthy way.  I won’t discuss this in detail as there’s much more involved due to the nature of the mental and emotional abuse.  I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD however treated and remain on medication. In particularly has caused nightmares. At first, the beginning of it I was able to sleep through the night. A month or so later wasn’t working only partially. Through that period of time I began to see a symbol of sorts, it made me ponder why I kept seeing the number 11:11, 1:11, 7 or 6:11, to even 3:11. They popped at the most unexpected times through the day or evening hours. I felt a sense of calm, peace and assurance. It was a feeling of pure contentment. I’d beam, and sparkle with so much joy, yet at times continue to have flashbacks, memories, insecurity, fear and doom due to the mental and emotional abuse. You can’t see it outwardly, it comes internally. I have pure moments of a hard cry, certain triggers set it off.

When it came officially to meditation and Tai Chi the physical symptoms from experiencing the triggers disappeared. There was renewal seeping into me deeply through my soul. My spirit was whole, it brightened my body and my mind. The struggle, my heart still broken, shattered. Attending bible studies made my heart to begin to beat again, yet someone made it possible for me as I deserved happiness in my life. It remains with me and how much this person has inspired, never given up to making a great impact on my life. I’m so truly grateful and appreciative.

Healing and recovery is possible, it merely takes time and patience as I am and it’s working. The greatest purpose coming from it is the opportunity reaching me in such a spiritual way.

Volunteering with Stark Parks, getting into nature to help preserve our parks across Stark County Ohio and the programs as well events put on for the community. It has become truly rewarding. I’ve come so passionate for parks and recreation. It has led me to much more volunteer work, Beech Creek Gardens of Stark County Ohio. One with the environment and nature shine a spiritual path as it has. God placed me with the opportunity, in due to the spiritual awakening coming alive within me. I’ve found my place in this world and utilizing it. Finding my way has taken me more than 20 years. I’m finally here now and will continue to grow and learn from the Lord and his great purpose in life.

I found my way through a divine purpose God created for me. He’s brought the right people into my life. It makes my heart beat for every breath I take. To live, encourage, motivate and share my testimonies have brought much more peace into my life. The calm comes from the storm.