I’ve taken a little much more time lately to pull myself through grief and loss which has caused some pain to resurface of the past few years. For a few days or more this past week most of my focus was to get ahead on additional writing, marketing strategies and such on getting the re mastered versions of the books from the book series worked on. I was side swiped which halted book work. I tried so hard to push any emotions away which wasn’t doing me any good to say the least. I cried, not sobbed, felt panic which I was able to catch before going into a full panic attack. “Deep breath, Shellie, deep breath,” saying to myself. My thoughts were scattered. Why do they leave this earth so soon? If only they could live forever without putting family and friends through the pain of the loss. What can we do to relieve the pain? How can we not cry, especially when your feeling to? I listened and observed of those around me for a couple of days at least.
The day of my counseling session I discussed how I had been feeling and why I was feeling a great deal of emotional pain, how I’m coping, what I’m doing to keep the memories from not interfering. I did what I normally do. My alone time with up lifting music, singing along to my favorite pop, gospel, R&B, Christian soul spirited music. It rejuvenates my soul, helping ease the emotional pain keeping me from going numb completely. Before the week ended I was coming down with yet another sinus infection that which I’m quite prone to. Through the emotional pain was as well physical pain. My depression was all over the place. Took a good amount away from social media and work to rest on all levels emotionally, mentally as much physically even though of my previous losses and gas lighting encounter that led to emotional abuse. Sitting here right now writing this flashbacks are happening. Time for me to get going take a little scenic route and listen to my feel good music.
Coping with emotional pain is and can be exhausting. It drains you. (sigh)………Shellie Palmer, June 10,2021